Hmmm

Hmmm.. what do I mean by hmmm? ...I guess it's sigh trying to figure out what should I say?
James is back home.. I'm really grateful that He's OK.. or least I think he is .. I feel as if I'm in a cloudy haze ..meaning that.. what do I do now ? so far it looks like nothing has changed between us .. he's still into himself .. and I'm alone by myself . ..I'm still angry that he does not seem to understand what PAIN he has caused .. I been ABANDON by him so many times .. Praise Jesus for not leaving me .. He's the only one I can depend on .. I wish I could has a wife depend on her husband ..
James bought a book yesterday World Atlas so does that mean he's going to another country again .. should I prepare myself to be abandon again ? .. I can't believe he so casual about this whole situation .
I asked him to read a book only two pages to begin with.. and he has not ..is this too much to ask for ? Do I have a dived road in front of me ? Which way should I go ? It seems I have lots of questions .. but no answers , Just discombobulated with pain..

what's another day ?

No word on my husband yet.. this is so difficult to bare..sometimes I'm tempted to just end everything ..like to go sleep and not wake up in this world.. but is definitely the enemy that talking... my emotions have been going haywire...Yet I know that my God holds me tenderly in his arms, and is watching over my James ...
I just don't seem to want to even blog this .. let alone talk to anyone .. I must go to work tomorrow ..it's hard to face the days and nights . if I get through this it would be only by His Spirit not by might ...
Can I handle another day ?.. or would God in His mercy take me home ?
I don't think I'm that lucky .. not that I believe in luck .. only curses and blessings ..
at this point which one is mine ?

Take heed when the Holy Spirit speaks

Since my last Blog a lots been going on ..I've been to the depths of hell and back by God's grace of course ...This past Sunday I came home from church to a loving husband making a delightful breakfast for him and his father .. in the mid of the late after noon I felt this strange feeling ..tho everything seem to be going quite well.. nothing seemed out of place ... yet this gnawing kept continuing to an annoyance of sort .. I said to my husband (James) is everything alright ? I just have this strange feeling that something is not right ? He replied everything fine.. I asked him has I have done many a times Your not planning on running away are you ? a very stern NO was the response ...while I am writing this I can't help but notice the TRUTH ... I called the Holy Spirit Strange .. it's a sad commentary on my part..why would I call Him strange ?
Because I am a stranger to His Holiness ....the Holy Spirit was nudging at me and I kept pushing Him away .. the right thing I should have done I have learned through a wonderful sister in the Christ, Thank You Angela !!

We tend to learn things better the hard way.. I should have asked the Lord give me discernment to what is really happening ? We can't see the spiritual warfare around us and because of our non-chalant sensitivity to the Holy One..
You see the next day my Loving Husband of nearly 30 years has gone missing.. there's no fowl play except maybe on my part for not obeying the call of the Holy Spirit .. He is mentally challenged Bi-Polar Mixed has the professionals call it .. this is not first time He's done this .. Nor is it the first time that I have travailed in the Spirit.. for his behalf and my sanity .. God only knows where he at , and He is watching over him and protecting him.. that I don't doubt ...
I just need this time to seek my Heavenly Father's will..so much to Learn of Him ...
Learn to take heed .. Learn to sense His guidance not to feel like a stranger again ..


ps please keep James in your prayers

This is my very first blog..
so If I don't know what I am doing please bear with me...
my title is Life according to ? ... deep in my heart I know whose life direction I so desperately need ..yet I see the world looking to man made idols .. even humans making some humans as if their super human.. celebrities , etc . When will we awake from this slumber of humanism of glorifying ourselves rather than Glorify the one True GOD Jehovah.
God have mercy on us...
and lead us to ways of everlasting to do Your will not ours ... for we are created in Your image, not that we should belive that we can create You in our image.. for our finite exsistence can be disallusioned to belive that we can reach a infinate God.. When in reality only an infinate God can reach finite man..