What you plant ..you reap ( so true in Life )

After much thinking I have come to conculsion that I am repeating what I sowed.. I didn't until I was much older appreciate my parents .. was I caring and kind ? yes .. but giving no .. and a hidden heartache only goes to show that God is fair in His dealing with me a sinner . .so I accept this rejection as just . for my God rules all things .. Thank my Lord for having even a inkling to love me .

A time for change ?

 It's been awhile since I bared my soul to anyone who may want to read this . Oh well..
Is this a private therapy for me I can't say.. but Today I felt I needed to just speak my mind .
 Just yesterday My oldest called his dad to speak with him .. ( which touches my heart always ). He
spoke about going to see his auntie ( which also makes me grateful) .. I had called him three times last week left message to call me .. but got no response .. I feel like I have been replaced or I am not of value to have  my calls returned .. so the question I ask my self.. Where did I fail ?
Never a millón years would I have thought that my sons would have rare interactions with me .. I somehow messed up .. I don't how ? I pray God can show me ..so I can try to make it right , don't get me wrong I am grateful for the families my sons have joined .. Their wonderful God loving people .. I just don't understand how I missed the mark .. They have a  high standard that I am obviously blind to. Nor am I able to reach . Do I need to change ?.. and if so how ? I pray God will give me guidance and a desire to do so.. Pain... yes .. Hope .. a flicker .