Hmmm

Hmmm.. what do I mean by hmmm? ...I guess it's sigh trying to figure out what should I say?
James is back home.. I'm really grateful that He's OK.. or least I think he is .. I feel as if I'm in a cloudy haze ..meaning that.. what do I do now ? so far it looks like nothing has changed between us .. he's still into himself .. and I'm alone by myself . ..I'm still angry that he does not seem to understand what PAIN he has caused .. I been ABANDON by him so many times .. Praise Jesus for not leaving me .. He's the only one I can depend on .. I wish I could has a wife depend on her husband ..
James bought a book yesterday World Atlas so does that mean he's going to another country again .. should I prepare myself to be abandon again ? .. I can't believe he so casual about this whole situation .
I asked him to read a book only two pages to begin with.. and he has not ..is this too much to ask for ? Do I have a dived road in front of me ? Which way should I go ? It seems I have lots of questions .. but no answers , Just discombobulated with pain..